So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
