she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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