peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
