You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
