the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
