Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
