So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
