i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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