the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
