he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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