your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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