kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
