i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
