I'm gonna have a badass scar
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
