What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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