I think i peed on brittanys purse
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
