she woke up with a sticky ear
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
