i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
