I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
