2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
