he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
