if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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