I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
