My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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