I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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