Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are we still banned from the library?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
