Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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