It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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