is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
