just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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