walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize