Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dick very happy bro
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
