Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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