This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
