My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my poor anus
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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