I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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