Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize