Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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