i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
