she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Text me some of your sweat
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize