My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
