i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
