if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
