Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
