taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
