i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
