Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
