How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
