We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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