I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize