My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
