you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
