Your mouth is God's brothel.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
