I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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