you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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