So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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