I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
