Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
