They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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