Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
