I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
