Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
