On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
