I can text with my tongue
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
