There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
