I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
