I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
