Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
