but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
