ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
