I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
