sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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