oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
