no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
