just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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