it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
