i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
