As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
