also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
