Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize