please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
