1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
