Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize