I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
