i already hear my dad disowning me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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