mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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