i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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