Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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