i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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