i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
