is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
