i permit you to call me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
