i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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