Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
