I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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