ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
