At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
