Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
