I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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